Monday, December 14, 2015

life has been so crazy

Life has been so crazy.

My last post was in a couple of months ago. I (or literally us) were very, very mad and super busy with numerous of works and assignments which seem inexhaustible. I don't have much time for blog. I don't have much time for family. I've been rarely hangin out with the boy too! The final examination will take place anytime soon but WE still have lots of pending tasks. Crazy not? 


{Just a quick date with the boy in last November}

In a few more weeks, these hectic phase will pass.

I am so excited to spend more times with the boy soon! ^^

Friday, July 24, 2015

dear boyfriend

Dear boyfriend,

I'm curled up on a couch and just now I'm thinking of you. I miss you so, so, so much. I miss hearing you laugh and curse while you play video games. You've been always makes me smile. I love hearing you whoops and shouts and I'm always silently rooting for you. I've been always enjoy playing pes with you too, tho sometimes it is very annoying when you won't let girlfriend get a single goal. And the way you raise your hand each time you win, omigosh - really - annoying. But, you are such darling when you've been always pause when I need you. You have always made me feel wanted. I hope you always win. I miss you so much.

Girlfriend loves you.

Monday, June 29, 2015

you have to be strong

The holidays just have started.

College life can definitely be stressful, hard, and will sometimes makes me cry. I am so grateful this semester was a really great semester.  It started good, with a range of problems during the mid, but finally ended up so, so great. I met a lot of new amazing girls and some happened to be my lovely good friends. I love how we can suddenly get so close, wait one another before going to places, care about each other, laugh at everyone’s joke, and stay keep in touch. I love all of them so much.

I do enjoy spending my time with friends but I must say more time is used to get the boy and I together, to do things together. We love hanging out, watching movies, doing assignments, gaming, shopping, going to places, going out to lunch and dinner and sharing snow cones, together. So happy and grateful because I can spend time with friends as well without compromising my time with the boy. Friends were also very supportive and were such darling when they often included Ben in any conversation. They were even very concerned about me; my studies, problems, health, safety, relationship, and whatnot. So for that, I felt truly blessed!

{The weather was so bright}

On the last day before Ben and I went back to our hometown respectively, we decided to have a long dates, and took some pictures just like what we always do at the end of each semester. On that day, I wore white because the weather was very, very hot but pleasantly beautiful. It was just a perfect pretty day for our pretty little date. I got messages from Ben via WhatsApp before I drove off to campus - to meet him there. He was asking me what shirt color I wore, so he could wore the same color shirt too. Aww, I think he's so cute and the sweetest!

{My favourite boy}

We did some rayas shopping, and watched movie. We broke the fast with our favorite menu at the pizzas and had a truly sweetest time. I am more in love with the boy every single day. Tho we have dissimilar priorities and wildly different thought, I think it is part of the process - and I think we just have always know.

We are still learning to be together.

Sometimes it was very stressful but also really, really awesome. We choose to be in love that requires two strong person to strong enough to put on so, so much faith on each other, love that requires two strong person to strong enough to sacrifice a lot of things, and love that requires two strong person to strong enough to keep all their promises to go through all the obstacles together, in order to be together. Because strong, strong love was just like that.

"Sayang kuat k?" said Ben - Okay!

The boy would always says "Good girl sayang" each time I did something positive or good. I love it so much! He says it with a very heartwarming tone and cutest smile and he’s just so handsome! I can’t explain the feeling when the words flew over my ears, delighted me up, and just molten my heart. I think it was just the sweetest thing which made me wanted to do all good so I will keep getting those words, often!

Saying goodbye is really not my favorite - not even Ben - either the girls. I can’t wait for the new semester to begin. It's gonna be my final year! I have a lot of future plans in my head! I feel a little crazy, but mostly in a good way ^^

Happy holiday!

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Ben turns twenty-two

Late post.

{Ben on his 22th birthday}

My Bunny bambam! (Just another silly name I call him hehe!)

Ben once said, birthday celebration was something foreign for him. He wasn't spoiled with party and gifts as he grew up. He wasn't a big fan of his birthday as I am. I love birthdays! Even he said celebrating his birthday wasn't his thing, I'm still going to celebrate it anyway, from now on! Because I think he's worth celebrating, he deserve a cake, he deserve to feel special! I want to celebrate the fact that he was somebody in my life and has drastically changed it since I met him. I want to celebrate how much he means to me and how much I love him. Throughout our relationship, I have seen how he strives to be the best for me. His dream is to be my dream guy and I know not all girls are lucky enough to say that. Your girlfriend loves you so much, Bunny!

{Ben's birthday cake}

Yummy whole cake!

Weeks before his birthday, I had this plan to throw him a surprise. I am desperately wanted the surprise will be something that he will never forget. Alhamdulillah the plan went well and it went like this. I took Ben to a restaurant that he never visited for a birthday treat. As we sat, he said he liked the environment and for that I am so happy! Ben thought the dinner will be just between us two, when it was not. Behind us there were his colleagues who I entrust to buy cake and actually the main part of the surprise. Ben has been telling me how much he miss his ex roommates so I get them all united on his birthday!

While Ben and I waiting for our food to be serve, his friends came, shook hands, and greet him Happy Birthday. Ben surprised but he thought it was just a coincidence to meet them guys there until suddenly a fancy Happy Birthday song was played loudly by the restaurant. I stick my eyes on Ben to see his reaction. He looks confused. Other customers stopped a while to find out to whom the Happy Birthday song was addressed. Some were even clapping and singing along too. Ben completely had no idea what was happening. But not for that long! Ben smiled widely, like very, very wide when a cake with burning candles was brought to our table! He surprised, and rejoiced!

Above is a short video that I manage to record. Ben looks so happy and excited. He even almost cut the cake without blowing out the candles first! Ah, I love that boy so much. I am thankful for sporting staff and friends!

{This photo was taken just after Ben cut his cake}
Ben, his cute girlfriend^^, and friends!

Happy birthday to my daily source of happiness, my best adviser, my pizza and movie buddy. The one who makes me laugh and cry the hardest, who will fix all problems I made, who finances me a lot, who tolerates my mood swings very well, who listens to my endless crappy stories, who will lend his shoulder to cry on, who drives me anywhere, who always says I'm pretty, my favorite chilling companion, who taught me how to drive, who checks on me everyday, who ends every conversation with an I love you, whom I’ve jumped off the sea and enjoy the salty water with. I do remember all the little things, Bunny.

I wish you joy and happiness. I feel so blessed to have such a loving and best buddy, who happens being my boyfriend. Having you by my side is a greatest gift. I love you so much. I know you don't check my blog regularly but when you finally turn into this page and read this post, I hope you will smile very, very big :)

Girlfriend loves you!

Sunday, May 31, 2015

one year and counting

I can't believe I'm dating a boy named Ben for a year now. Ben and I first met in 2011. We went to the same camp for National Service training after SPM, and were in the same company. Basically, that is how we met lah LOL. Ben admired me ever since he saw me at the camp. That was what he told me on March 25th, last year. Back in the past, Ben had actually been trying to convey his feelings. But he got no reply. Dia bilang waktu tu saya jual mahal. Dia malu sangat. So he stopped there. We never became friends. He said,

  • siapa lah saya mahu mengurat kamu, hidung tak mancung pipi terserong-serong.

LOL so funny recalling back the memories :3

Finally after years we meet again. This time, we went to the same campus! We bumped and came across several times. I just secretly admired this boy (too). Admire only, belum ada unsur kasih sayang di sini. He looks smart and handsome ekekeke. Effect puberty kot, LOL. Virtually, we were friends in social media. We've been always reply to comments and liked each others post as if we were close, but we're not. Oh you know sometime, virtually we function like that kan? Hehew! I shorten, one night the boy suddenly tries to confess me again. I never thought this would happen but I said,

  • yes.

{Here we are back then}
Sweetie pies. 

I thought Ben was joking. I didn't know much about this boy who afterward called me what? Sayang?? I act cool but gosh so awkward, so uncomfortable. Anyway, that was a year ago. I'm glad I said, yes. After just some days dating, I eventually fall for this boy, too. Frankly those time I had a really bad acne and I did look ugly. I was terribly insecure and I have been hating myself! Waktu first meeting dengan Ben, aku banyak kali tanya,

  • Kau serius kah dengan aku ni Ben? (ulang satu ratus kali)

 Despite all my flaws, until now Ben's answer still remains the same :)

{This photo was taken yesterday}
My favorite boy.

Earlier today before we parted (I went back to hometown, while Ben went back to his room to do the outstanding assignment), I asked Ben,

"Do I look okay?" as I tie a stripe of ribbon on my head and put on my glasses.

With a very big happy smile, Ben replied,

"You look sweet!"

Awwh, those little conversation guys :3

{This photo was taken on last 6 May, on Ben's birthday}
Sure I will blog about Ben's birthday celebration in another post. {Ben turns twenty-two}

As long as I have the chance, I won't let feelings and words wasted not being expressed. I love Ben for many reasons. I love him for being him, I love him because of his family, I love him because of God. God who sends me this kind of man that I need in my life. Who loves me, protects me, takes a really good care of me, who shows me my self-worth, who gives me strength, who taught and motivates me a lot, who tolerates me well, who constantly show his love, who supports me in every way without believing in any of my doubts about myself, who loves me despite my flaws, who loves me just the way I am, who makes me feel pretty, who call me his princess, who always end a conversation with an "I love you", who makes me feel fully accepted, welcomed, and loved.

He's like a gift that sent to me every single day. He sacrificed so many things and time for me. He helped me a lot when I was in trouble and despair. He has done a lot of things. He showered me with a lot of happiness. I look for him everyday. And never once I forgot the passion and sacrifice he has ever done for me. He's so kind. Recalling back all his sacrifice just now made me cry :"( Because I never thought I would ever had someone like him. He's truly beautiful. I won't ask for other. I feel complete. I love how we compliment each other. I love how we share and laugh at so many different thought and perspectives. I love how we complain and argue on things and bring out what the best and finally - - we had so many things in common now.

We have our favorite place. We have our favorite songs. We have our favorite foods. We made a very good company. I believe sometimes fate might whisper but in our case, it screamed. In a short time we faced so many obstacles and challenges together and now I am so excited to face what coming up next! Ben you are the best I ever have, I wrote this for you. Thank you for a year of great and meaningful relationship I've ever been in, which is pretty neat with good stories, good laughs, good cries, and good fights. Please keep dating me, keep making me feel special, keep choosing me above everything, keep cherish me, keep admiring me, keep focusing on me and keep reserving your heart only for me. Thanks for making most of my days are special days in my life.

{Baby I never expect you can be so important to me}

I love you so much!

Saturday, April 18, 2015


I remember on the other day, I was badly moody due to menstrual pain and discomfort. I kept whining and shouting to Ben "I want to be happy but I AM NOT HAPPY". Ben tried to please me in so many ways. I shouted so many times "I AM STILL NOT HAPPY" as everything he did, didn't working yet, some even annoy me. But he keep on trying until he finally managed to make me happy. I don't know how he did that. You know, it is not easy to make me happy while having bad period :))

Ikr. I should have not shout and whine. Buruk perangai :( Periods are ridiculous. I can become super lazy, but sometimes the other way around. I can be very grumpy, and suddenly glows in happy. Usually I can not wait to eat something that I think I MUST EAT, and it must be fulfilled by the day! If not, I can turn into a monster - a grumpy and fugly monster. These things can really affect people surrounding - especially Ben. And I hate that very, very much :(

Ben tolerates my nature well. I am about to cry looking back remembering every single things he has done solely to make me happy -  makes me feel very lucky.....and grateful. I've been questioning myself what have I done right to deserve someone who is very nice to me. Then I remembered, I've been always prayed I'll found someone who will really stick with me during my worst and my best. So,

I am so, very happy :)

A little conversation with Ben that I never want to forget we were talking about random topic like we usually do. During some idle time, I caught the boy looking at me, smiling. As I'm having my early days of menstruation, what Ben did actually gave me a slight of uncomfortable feeling. On the second time I caught him still looking at me, I asked:

  • Me: Tengok apa? Kenapa tengok aku macam tu?!
  • Ben replied: I'm looking at my princess. 

Awh, melts! I do not know if he was just randomly says that because he was not that type! So as I do not want to perasan lebih, I respond him with only a smile like those lovely words he said do not matter to me. Tapi tuhan saja lah yang tahu betapa happyy berbunga cinta terus hati ni bila the boy call me what? His princess!

Girls liked that. Well at least, me.

No folks. On that day, I did not look like a princess. I look very serabai one. But that's what makes me very happy. Someone finally see a princess in serabai me.

I love you Ben, so much.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

overcoming insecurities

You know those day when you feel so down? Those day when you have so many time to be alone to stalk pictures and videos of so gifted people on the internet and finally get extremely jealous and is not motivated to live. That is when the sense of insecurity strike. I must say I get into those day often before and I remember how bad it feel :)

I found that I would get into such days if I wake up and do not directly take my shower but surfing the internet through my phone instead. So always put your phone aside and better start your day with shower peopleee.

Showers help us to relax and ease our mind (I just read about it on the internet LOL). Sebab tu bila bangun pagi perlu terus mandi! Bagi relax dan ease otak kita gitu! I don't know lah if this function to you, but it function to me to have a good day, a positive thought day! The thing is we are just too quick to compare ourselves to others. We lost in our own thought and tend to believe only negative things about us. So cuba bayangkanlah pagi-pagi time kita rimas serabut belum mandi, mata kita tengok benda-benda yang boleh buat insecure, kesian kepala otak kita kan :D

Next time when you are feeling so down;
  • laugh at your stupid thought,
  • and go take your bath,
  • unsubscribed the internet,
  • restrain yourself from taking selfie, for a while pleaseee.....girls.

Well at least I give you ideas. I hope you can relate.

I am serious about unsubscribing the internet and stop taking selfies (if you still do, you will never stop comparing and feel insecure). Take a vacation from log into your social apps to recall the good in you, pamper yourself more, go out, have fun and live the real world. Because I had mine and it was awesome!

"Tell me I'm pretty even when I'm not bunny!" ........... "OK

By the way, I believe it is okay to be a little insecure! sometimes we just can't avoid to not to kan? Normal lah tu kot but just don't let you drift in a bad thought about yourself for too long lah emkay? Because each one of us is special on our own way what! And we are important and everything about us - matter, at least to us!! We girls have to believe that!! :D

All girls are pretty, except in the eyes of an insecure.

Tata for now, pretty creatures! :)

Friday, March 27, 2015

my pimples story

Recently I have developed some kind of small pink rashes all over my face and some big pimples on my cheek. So it was yesterday, Ben was focused playing boxing game on screen while I came to him and started whining about my pimples. 

  • Tengok ni makin banyak jerawat aku (pointing on my right cheek)

Ben stopped from playing his game and gave my right cheek a stare for a while before he blurted out:

  • Macam bentuk buruj pulak.

What? Kuang hajoo.

Each pink dot represents acne. Really looks like buruj one HAHAHA.

However and whatever, I took that as compliment. Semoga Ben sedar bahawa beliau sangat beruntung kerana beliau lah yang paling manang di hati saya :) Dan semoga Ben sedar bahawa dia harus sentiasa membawa saya ke mana sahaja dia pergi :) Ke utara ke selatan, ke timur ke barat, ke nandos ke secret recipe, ke kenny rogers mahupun ke sushi. Kerana dengan adanya saya, beliau tidak akan pernah hilang arah kerana..........


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

I want to be happy

I want to see the bright side on everything, and the silver lining on every cloud. I know its up to me to make myself happy, but really, some days are hard to put a smile on. I just want to be good enough for once in my life. I hope heart was made from metal. And feels can just flow like tears. I know pain is a part of growing. I know scars are the symbol of strength. I know what is meant to be will eventually be and when everything goes wrong the best thing that I can do is just keep going. But for now everything just look like a piece of shit. Pretty words can't just simply makes me happy. I'm not going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything perfect, and pretend like nothing hurts me. I just want to be fckin happy again. But I don't think I know how to anymore. Life is tough, and I am no longer tougher.


I will back on track, soon.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

life update

Hello you people! *Waving*

Long time no see! Just starting a new semester. Welcome sem four! I begin this semester with spending a lot of money to pay fees and complaining how can the university suddenly placing a new condition that students have to pay study fees first before they can do the "add drop" process BUT an exemption were granted to PTPTN borrowers which mean em guys can proceed to do the add drop process and filled up the quota of most preferred subjects lah, HOW UNFAIR!

Don't the university understand its in the earlier semester students need to use more money to buy things lah, food stock lah, pay house rent lah, pay field trip fees, fees and more other fees, money to replace broken shoes, money to replace those torn bag, and such things lah? The borrowers fella haven't pay the fees as well what? Scream this bullshit is not fair! I’m pretty much incapable of shopping right now. I could not even purchase my favourite shampoo and conditioner. For now I have to use the cheaper one. I’m trying to get used to the not so favorite one but I can’t help myself. I feel mistreated. CRIES!

{Reunited after sem break}

Feels so pleasant and awkward at the same time to have Bunny in the same class for PPIB subject in this sem. Now that I don't understand why the university asked the band 3 and above students to take foreign subject in the earliest three sem and now must take English subject again lah? I thought the torture has ended but NO. Dah lah kena class malam. Now it is really a torture!

On the other day I went to the sports complex after my evening class ended to accompany the boy doing some drill. But I arrived just after he had finished doing things so I came only to take some selfies LOLOL.

{Current favourite}

THIS The boy and I were very happy with pizza pastry crown from pizza hut. We loveeee pizza and our most favorite pizza's top is bbq! The pastry crown come with overflow herb chicken meat chunks, bbq sauce, mozzarella cheese, and crust cheese three flavors which definitely give you satisfaction in taste. So tell me how can we cannot love pastry crown? Haven't try the new menu yet? Go try faster ahh! They say it only available until 31 March! For real ah? Uwaaaaa, so sad!

{High face after pizza LOLOL}

Due to rarely doing any updates, I really appreciate your presence here. Thanks for the visit! I'm still a part of blogger-sphere ah. I still blog bah! 

Ttyl. Bye!

Friday, January 30, 2015

another new year and another happy birthday

First post in 2015.

Wishing you a very happy new year! I knew it was too little too late already but legend say better than never what? Ngee! I enjoy reading everyone's new year resolution posted  here in social media while I sip my warm cadbury drink as I do not have any because whatever, throughout the year I just gonna do what I want to do hehe! I have no new year resolution because I never achieve what I wrote so baik aku tak payah buat 

{Bunny took me to Grace Point to have kinda New Year dinner celebration haha}

First day of new year was very stressful with a lots of problem but I choose to remember only happy things. Bunny brought me hanging and strolling around the city to release some burdens, had McD at the evening and bought me the first character of Kitty Bubbly World and said,

  • Ini hadiah hari jadi.

And as I remember, I am so happy with the advance birthday gift. Yeay!  I clearly aware it was just a Hello Kitty plushie. I am not a high demand person, I can find joy in every little things :) .............. as I grow up lah. I simplicate my mentality which allow myself to feel joy in everything and soak myself in them. Is simplicate is even a word? The auto correct keep correcting me hahahah whatever!

The tenth day of January was my birthday! I had practically no plans tho. I didn’t prepare any special outfit and I remember I spent the birthday morning being lazy on my bed. In the evening, mama come to city and surprised me with a whole yummy birthday cake. Aww, thank you mother!

Bunny came at night. He surprised me with another two wrapped gifts Aww! I love surprises! Thank you bunny!

{Bunny brought me to Nandos for a birthday treat}

I received a lot of sweet birthday wishes from friends and relatives through facebook, wechat, whatsapp oh you know lah kan “us” these day.  My most favorite is from Wina, my friend since the middle school. We were now taking the same course in the university :)

Her wishes goes like:

  • “Happy birthday sumandak. May god bless you, success and stay cute (Add lots of whatsapp’s fruits and vegetables emoticon here)

Isn’t it obvious you guys? Usually people send love, or kisses emoticon what?! So I replied:

  • “Thank you Wina. Banyaknya buah-buahan dan sayur-sayuran”

Wina replied:

  • “Bajet 2015. Supaya ko sihat. Hahah”

LOLOL! This girl ah! (You'll get the joke if you can relate)  Anyway, I appreciate every little wishes from you guys ahh. Thank you for making some effort to write and say something on my birthday!

As I reached 22, I wish;
  • my face will always look younger than my age. I don't look like 22 bah kan?
  • may I find the perfect shade of lipstick.

Hmm, for this moment I can only think of this two! Lolol! Yes I am officially 22. Age is just a number kan you peopleee. I am still young at heart I mentioned it in my bio at the side bar hahaha.

Paling Chomel by Nana Ichigo